A miserable and sick situation of physical abuse by a known individual towards a kid that I'm acquainted to, popped up in my life recently. Still continues to haunt. I needed to talk to someone, and of course, what do you do mostly, you turn to your partner, turns out she had a lot of other things to handle. My mistake. Well, in the first place, it is right what she said. I was the one who took up this work of helping children who had abuse issues of any kind at the NGO. I was the one who said yes, when somebody approached me from the NGO. And in that world even if there is a lot of cheer and extreme amounts of satisfaction about matters that bring a smile to a few people, there is always this lurking danger scenario. The monsters of the world, humans of course, not to be mistaken with Hollywood identities, they seem to lurk at such places looking for the eternally damned ones, I reckon, because these children do not have anyone and hence can be harmed without many questions being asked or may be the law does not have that kind of tentacles. Whatever, anyway that answer was pure, untrammeled and without an iota of doubt the best, 'cause, she did not sugar coat it. If you enter war and complain about shrapnel wounds that would be pathetic...
I still prefer silence or just a just a conversation as a much better alternative to snapping reality. But that is my preference, so hence I may have expected that kind of a response, and that's the reason of my dissatisfaction.
Next person, a friend of mine, she started eulogizing about empathy and her office matters. She talked about people with physical disabilities. Politically correct terminology for that would be differently-abled people. So she talked and took me to some place else. That was nice. Considering she is a world renowned consultant on matters of financial and economical importance for companies and an extraordinary friend for more than 25 years, and I just began my journey in the forties, what she was doing was being empathetic yet taking me some place really worthwhile. She was saying that empathy is an extremely difficult emotion to be in because only the person who endures something would be really able to understand the depth of that. She elaborated talking about two of the accidents that I faced, the other miseries that I endured and also about the wonderful things that I have experienced in my life. And what she said made sense, because we have shared almost all stories and the story was hers to partake in and enjoy or be miserable and the same other way round. But she had a different take about the differently - abled people considering she had the privilege of working with some of them and they had their share of problems but one thing they hated was the sympathy of all the son's of guns around. She said that it can be taught and it can be experienced to a certain extent.
I am still not in favor of the last statement 'coz the everyday pangs and the mental torture that we go through on our pains is our own experience and even if shared at length you may get a few cry baby's around but empathy could be a very difficult thing. I was at this institution once, brilliant place, and they had invited a person of repute who was differently-abled and this lady enjoyed the privilege of being there, the reception and the infrastructure of the institute being completely friendly towards every kind of people, in this case, differently-abled-friendly. Before she was supposed to deliver her message she wanted to go to the washroom and there was a differently-abled friendly washroom and after she came out, she met the big boss of the joint and told him quite categorically that everything was fantastic but there was not a mirror in that particular washroom, which somehow did not go well, because it was almost like differently-abled people do not need to look good. Slight mishap, lot of learning.
That depth of empathy is very difficult. I have been to the misery joints from World War II era of Germany and Poland. I even went to that New York place of similar nature. I felt bad, very bad for all them the millions of Jews who got killed and the places did have an eerie element surrounding or within them. These are museums telling the future generations of the utter disaster that the regime of Hitler bought about to a race. I felt it quite deep and in an extreme way. But I can never ever get into the shoes of an old man or woman (now) who lost their complete family then when they were just small kids. That is difficult. I have been to Cambodia looking for answers, the south of America looking for connections and answers to the pains endured in the past. Nope. I could come home and feel the pain of losing my world when I lost it. That was when I kind of understood how it felt.
The answer does not lie in being completely aloof, or being absolved of such matters about our friends or people we know. It is purely about listening and sometimes in complete silence between both the parties, yet listening, that makes empathy special. Empathy is important for human nature to understand the wonderful need of sharing, caring and being completely non-judgmental. It may not go far and deep into the intricacies but if we can at the least touch upon the surface that would make the world a better place.
Lastly, word for the differently-abled, it is not our fault that we feel the need to give sympathy. It is by default that we are all good people to feel the need to give that sympathy. Nobody needs no sympathy but the ignorance can be excused with a smile instead of disdainful rhetoric.But, I guess that applies to the whole lot of us...
And about that kid who was physically abused, she is fine of course, lost in her little world and silent since that day. The man who committed the crime is behind bars, but I don't know for how long and we have all been sitting silently in the room where she is being kept a watch on and the slow creaking sound of the fan and the sweat from the afternoon Sun's crackle seems to be telling a lot of stories to all of us.....
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